Posted by annierose on July 27, 2011, at 7:13:36
In reply to Re: Week 2 of T's vacation ... » annierose, posted by lucielu2 on July 26, 2011, at 17:13:17
Well ... as I predicted, it sucked. And it 95% had to do with me, my lack of expectations, the increased awareness of the inbalance in the relationship, and most importantly, why do I get to miss her and she not miss me?
She moved her practice a few months ago to a group practice. The three therapists there stagger their appt start times so no one else is in the waiting room besides you. So I was surprised, I guess, when I approached her office that I saw one of MY therapist's clients leave the office. I am 90% sure she was one of my t's clients since she was holding an envelope from my t's ... she bills her clients at the end of the month and gives it to you at your last appointment of the month. We both stared down at each other. She was younger, pretty, etc. etc.
That encounter did not help my already wounded mood. I sat in the waiting room imagining different scenarios. Did their session run over 15 minutes? And ... I am normally her first session of the day (which I like) ... but it made sense that if someone was having a rough go of it she would add a session to the beginning of her day.
The second thing that tripped me up, as I opened the door from the hallway to the hallway of her office suite, I could hear my t's voice on the phone talking to a potentially new client ... she was giving directions, etc. etc. I went to the waiting room and waited and waited. She was late ... maybe only 2 or 3 minutes ... but if client #1 didn't run over, if she didn't have to add new clients to her schedule ...
you can see where I was going ... no where good. When I got to her office, bingo, there was the pile of client bills on her desk.The power inbalance struck me as I try to talk to her. IF this was a "normal" relationship, I would ask her about her trip, and due to the excessive heat, I might have asked her when she got back (thus avoiding the back to back to back over 100 degree days) ... I might have asked her a ton of things. Instead I asked nothing. Why get shut down. Oh, in the past, I have asked, "How was your vacation?" And she says, "Nice" or "wonderful" ... whatever ... at that moment it wasn't important to me.
I couldn't connect. I couldn't open up.
Prior to her departure, we set up a third appointment for the week, to help ease the transistion back. [I see her two to three times a week ... prior to 2008 it was 3x but with the economy I went down to twice a week but add a third time here and there.]
So with a few seconds left in my session, I canceled my Tuesday appointment. The idea came to me in the waiting room and by the end of the session, I saw it as a great plan and proceeded. Love that teenager inside of me ... I've been glued to the hip with my real life teenage daughter all summer so maybe that's where my attitude is coming from ... hmmm ... I'll need to think about that.
It worked out great. My neighbors were coming for dinner and my appt time was smack dab in the middle of the afternoon... really freed up my day. After exercising in the morning, my two kids and I cooked, cleaned and enjoyed one of the nicer summer evenings in our backyard with a family whose mom is facing her last chemo drip next week.
Are you sorry you asked? I see my t again this Thursday. Hopefully it will go better.
As I type this, it strikes me that I hated the feeling of being in a long line of anxious, excited clients to see her that day. A cattle call.
poster:annierose
thread:991236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/991998.html