Posted by Daisym on July 28, 2011, at 12:58:50
In reply to Re: first session back » emmanuel98, posted by annierose on July 27, 2011, at 21:35:18
I'm struck by two things - how strong the pain is about being "one of many" - reminiscent of your family, I'd guess. And also by the fact that processing your feelings by yourself felt good.
I know for me, when I get overwhelmed by my feelings for my therapist - it is hard for me to let him help me with those feelings -because they are about him. He is totally allowed to help me with other feelings - but I guess I'm always both ashamed and afraid of the intensity of my feelings for him. I hear in my head, "I'm not supposed to be jealous of other clients because I *know* he has to have them;" or "My feelings are too strong and he will reject me, because he has to, in order to not get contaminated by my needs." And on and on. I often want to do what you've done, which is pull away, nurse my own wounds a little and then come back and talk about it...maybe. If I get a handle on it first, it isn't so painful.
But it is a double-edged sword. Taking care of yourself is a good thing. But understanding these feelings and soothing that tender place is best done when things are raw, so that they heal clean. For me, this is the bulk of the work. Learning to trust that the relationship can stand my needs and that it is OK to let someone help me with all my feelings when I need them - not just some of them.
My therapist said to me recently, "there is nothing bad about loving and missing someone. It doesn't hurt them - who doesn't want to be loved? And it doesn't make you a weak person for loving and missing someone - it makes you human."
If only I could just believe him...
I hope today goes better.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:991236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/992162.html