Posted by Annabelle Smith on February 8, 2011, at 14:30:14
In reply to Which way to Be?, posted by Annabelle Smith on February 8, 2011, at 10:08:21
I will add, that last fall-- in the midst of this chaos and hell-- I ran into an acquaintance.
We exchanged the superficial "how are you?" fine "how are you?" busy, but making it. fine. questions. Total b*llsh*t. I never know how to respond to that. I usually just try to say something honest in my words-- I guess "fine" is closer to the truth than "good"-- but it's still pretty damn far away.
I most have that awful smile on my face, because she made the comment, "look at you-- always having a smile on your face. You are always smiling."
I wanted to scream, no, I am dying. The smile is just covering it up. But I just smiled on and then went back to my place and cried.
Except for my therapist, this is how everyone knows me-- as this smiling fake. This is what I need out of-- I don't know how to bust the split between the two selves. How to stop being fake. How to be real.
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:978909
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110206/msgs/978924.html