Posted by Annabelle Smith on December 19, 2010, at 21:05:37
In reply to Re: living in the now, posted by emmanuel98 on December 19, 2010, at 19:59:31
Yes, Emmanuel. He emphasizes that too. He talks of the importance of being in the moment and we do check-ins at the beginning of many sessions.
I am having a really, really hard time needing and feeling desperate for my therapist. I feel so obsessed about him. I want to be just like him. Everything that he is associated with, I idealize. The prestigious university in NY that he attended, psychotherapy, mindfulness/Buddhism, post-modern philosophy, black-rimmed glasses. Anything that remotely reminds me of him, seems great to me. I found myself even feeling like I want to go to this NY University for a masters, or at least NYC, because that is where he went.
I am set to have a phone session with him on Thursday, but that seems so far away. I am writing a lot on here, but thank you so so so so much for letting me and for responding. This, along with an email conversation with a group called the Samaritans, is seriously what is helping me make it through these days without my therapist.
There is so much that I need to tell my therapist. I am so afraid that I will feel fake. I think that is what keeps me from discussing the most important things-- when I speak of them, it feels trivialized coming from my mouth, because I feel nothing towards them-- just kind of detached. But in the moment when they were happening, dear God.
I do not know what to do. You guys know what is going on with me. If I need more time with my therapist (past May) do you think it is OK for me to try to do anything I can to stay in my city for at least the summer and maybe the fall to work with him longer? Is that bad or obsessive? I just am convinced that he alone can help me. I want to get better. I cannot bear the thoughts having to try to find a new therapist and starting all of this hell over again. And, if this ends unresolved with my current therapist, he will be the lost object that I eternally seek. This is going to f--k me up worse than ever. I know it. I must work through this with him.
I am so lost and confused and scared.
Do you understand and think that what I feel is legitimate?
poster:Annabelle Smith
thread:973748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20101115/msgs/974051.html