Posted by violette on August 24, 2010, at 11:37:06
In reply to Deja Vu with therapist, posted by widget on August 24, 2010, at 2:48:44
I think you will get there one step at a time.
It might benefit you in terms of those feelings of frustration and hopelessness to read through your past posts about your reaction to your therapist's prior vacation to see if anything 'clicks' (rather than focus on memories). You might gain some insights and associations from re-reading and making note of the pattern.
The thing is, even after gaining awareness of your situation, such as knowing your desire to be loved by unavailable men (common issue to many) they must be turned into a positive thing via emotional insights-rather than intellectual insights-as difficult as that is.
"I feel rejected AGAIN!!! Why can't he love me?"
One huge realization I had was that my T (somehow) shut up my superego. One day, I just happened to notice that-and it was remarkable, though at this point, I did realize he had been doing that all along...since then, when people project their own issues upon me, it becomes this loud noise in my head (literally) and I block it out. It's actually amazing.
Thus, I don't perceive such difficult feelings as rejection or things lacking in me; instead, they became learning experiences. That, in addition to a strong therapeutic alliance turns frustrating feelings into positive insights-regardless of the strong affects and their nature. So without the harsh superego, T and I can work more effectively on more difficult stuff, the hardest work. It could be your T needs to deactivate your superego more?
People in psychotherapy tend to have superego's that are either too weak or too strong. I don't know which you would ascribe to yourself, but that's something you might want to think about or talk to your T about if you are feeling too frustrated. And I agree with what emmanuel said, thinking of it in terms of love feelings being a resistance or defense-but you have to really trust your T, have a strong alliance first, to be able to overcome that. It's only natural that it takes longer in some than others-but it could be your Ts approach?
Another issue is seperating transference feelings from feelings. Your T should be able to help guide you here. Maybe the transference is too strong for effective work? There are ways in which your T can reduce transference, just as there are ways it can be encouraged. It could be your T is not being flexible enough with you here.
It's possible your T may be a bit too agressive for you right now-and you might be better off with a different approach if this has been a reoccuring problem. And of course the same things need worked through more than once, but there's something missing here. I'm not sure what it is but hope you figure it out.
poster:violette
thread:959593
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100706/msgs/959641.html