Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2010, at 0:14:53
In reply to Re: Reassurance » annierose, posted by antigua3 on March 2, 2010, at 18:13:21
It seems very silly to me. Not in short term therapy perhaps, but in long term therapy where a client has seen a therapist for years at often more than once a week. My therapist used to use those silly therapy words. And refuse to say anything directly.
I think I told him one day that of course he felt the things he said, and he felt them for every client who came through the door most likely. I think he'd even said something like he cared for all his clients. And that if, after seeing him all this time and all that often, he didn't feel any more for me than he felt for a client who'd seen him a few weeks, then I had wasted a whole lot of time building a relationship with him.
After a bit of thinking about this - a good bit because I think it was a later session, I think he came to the same conclusion that Emanuel's therapist was smart enough to come up with much earlier. That he'd seen me for an hour or two hours a week for years. And that of course he'd grown to care for me. What kind of person would he be if he hadn't? He started to be willing to say that he cared for me and quit dancing around the topic.
He still usually frames it in terms of how long we've seen each other and how much work we've put into building up a relationship rather than any particular personal qualities in me.
But I do suppose I see the reluctance as well. I think clients can and do read too much into what they say about caring for us. I'm pretty sure that one reason my therapist says what he does say is because he knows that I'll never believe it means more than it does. My problem is more along the lines of believing that it means as much as it might.
Still, I can't see how in most of the contexts we're discussing, where an honest statement of what probably is there already could possibly hurt nearly as much as it could help.
But then again, I'm not sure how much it would help either. I believe my therapist somewhat now. But it doesn't take much to shake that belief. It must be annoying for him to have me constantly doubting him.
poster:Dinah
thread:937900
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100128/msgs/938414.html