Posted by Verloren on March 2, 2010, at 15:16:22
In reply to Re: Just what Exactly IS wrong with me? (LONG) » Verloren, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2010, at 23:21:27
Dinah,
That was exactly it!!!
I feel/felt so small. So misunderstood and unheard.
I longed for someone to care. To show me care and to be gentle with my feelings. I literally needed a pat on the head. To feel good and to feel like I was right for existing. I didn't just want to be analyzed. I wanted to be coddled.
I know no one can do that. The days of me being patted and coddled are over. (Even though I never was) Tenderness is reserved for actual children, not the child-like. It isn't fair but it's the way things work.
I mistook therapy for a place I could go to be understood and to let out my true emotions. Really, it's just a place to go so you can deal with your problems and grow up and be a productive adult.
Adults aren't allowed to be coddled. We aren't allowed to need the way children are allowed. I envy children in a way. And it's not up to me. I can't coddle myself anymore than a child can teach itself how to write. No one will ever be the parental figure I needed to develop into an adult properly. So how do you put together a puzzle that missing it's borders and the pieces in the middle? Any way you look at it, it is still an incomplete puzzle.
I'm not yet ready or able to grow up. Not yet able to be a perfectly functionable adult. There is a child in me who still needs to be heard. Who has resigned itself to whispering for right now. But who may eventually scream again.
Sorry, a bit of a ramble there. And I probably went far away from the point you were making.
-V
poster:Verloren
thread:938273
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100128/msgs/938364.html