Posted by emmanuel98 on January 24, 2010, at 22:03:04
In reply to Re: I used to love my T, now I don't... » emmanuel98, posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 21:27:37
> How long were you in the iop? How did you feel about it when you first went? I feel very angry and volatile when I am there. Does that go away, or am I unique in those feelings?
I was in, actually, a partial hospitalization program and I HATED it. All women, so much angst and whining that I wasn't used to at all. But my T told me that if I didn't stay, he wouldn't see me anymore, so I stayed and ended up getting a lot out of it.
There's value (or can be) in listening to other people, learning to feel compassion for others helps us feel compassion for ourselves, which is, ultimately, the goal of therapy. So the value of an IOP is not simply the time spent on yourself, but the time spent in group, learning from others.
I can understand your reaction to Ada. But the situation is fraught. You saw Ada, why? As a consultant, right? Why were you going for a consultation?
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> I don't really see the safety feature because I can basically do whatever I want when I'm not there. The only different thing is the diary upkeep. If I can get that type of update with my regular T during our twice a week sessions, then I think it would be more beneficial. Additionally, in iop I go 3 times a week for 3 hours. Of that time, only 15 min each day and two 30 minute sessions on Friday, are allotted to me to speak about my issues. The rest of the time, I'm listening to everyone else. So that's 1 hour & 45 min. versus the 2 hours of all me time I get with my T.
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> Not sure if your iop was structured differently.
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> I do love Ada, but I've been hesitant to say that. It's because something in her completely connected with me in the first 5 minutes of seeing her. I immediately started feeling. Have you ever had that? To have held everything in for so long, pretending to feel, pretending to be happy, going along with life and the boom! To actually feel, in the moment, to have those emotions so strongly pour forth. She was intoxicating. Not with beauty or any other such thing. But that she was the right conductor for my train of feelings at that moment. Yes, I definitely miss that. If you've ever felt that way, then I think you may understand.
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> I'm in quite a pickle, aren't I?
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> -Verloren
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poster:emmanuel98
thread:934868
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/934923.html