Posted by Verloren on January 2, 2010, at 13:44:03
In reply to Re: All I wanted for Christmas, posted by Nadezda on December 29, 2009, at 11:55:53
I guess I feel so lonely right now that its hard to imagine feeling any lonelier. But I definitely wouldnt want that.
Im putting a lot of expectation on her that she can fix me. If she doesnt, Im afraid Ill fall irrevocably even further into despair. I dont know how I should stop expecting so much from her.
It hurts that she cant/wont be what I want. I feel like I never get what I want, cant I just this one time.
And it is so hard resisting Ada. Not as hard as it used to be, but hard. I literally cannot describe the feeling that goes into me wanting to see Ada. It is not transference, Im pretty sure. It is less complicated than that. More like an instant connection of understanding. That might sound foolish I guess. She is supposed to give off the sense of being someone easy to talk and connect with. But I guess the best way I can say it is that she reads me. She is able to read me so well without my having said much at all that it surprises me. I feel like no one ever knows the real me because I can hide so very well. But I cant hide from her. Ada sees it anyway. WOW. I just actually now realized thats how I felt as I typed this out.
Thanks for being here and thanks for listening,
-Verloren
poster:Verloren
thread:931368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/932136.html