Posted by Nadezda on December 29, 2009, at 11:55:53
In reply to All I wanted for Christmas, posted by Verloren on December 29, 2009, at 1:33:32
Hi, Verloren.
I can totally understand what you're feeling.
Sometimes, though, hugging a T can actually make you more lonely, because it intensifies your longings and sense of deprivation other times. Even if the wish comes from non- sexual feelings, like wanting to be close, or to be more important --it's still transference. And no matter what thing our Ts do or don't do, we would doubt and question that-- and keep on torturing ourselves about whether they "really" "meant" it-- . It''s a doubt or fear more about whether we're worthwhile-- and we somehow focus it on our Ts and convince ourselves that they could fix if only they would do one thing or another.
By the way, some Ts would hug a patient, if it felt right-- so don't feel that there's anything wrong with wanting a hug. It isn't a rejection, though, if a T isn't comfortable with that.
My T would never hug me. He might shake my hand I think, if I asked him-- for a special occasion. Maybe he would even do it at the end of appointments. I wouldn't ask, though, for some reason. He's very clear about boundaries and his sense of what's professional conduct--, and wouldn't do what he thought violated that. It really is better that way--- Those feelings mostly just have to be worked on emotionally, rather than cured by having your T do something. That's kind of bad news, in a way-- but eventually, you'll probably come to think that. I know I have.
I'm glad you're resisting the temptation to see Ada. It may mean something about your history that you want to see two Ts-- in a psychological sense-- and might be something to think about,. It would cause a lot of trouble and get in the way-- if you gave in to the temptation, especially without your Ts agreement. It's very hard-- but that you are doing it is a testament to how much you value and respect yourself-- maybe without knowing it. So there's a lot of hope in that, as difficult as it is.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:931368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/931417.html