Posted by emmanuel98 on December 29, 2009, at 4:07:18
In reply to All I wanted for Christmas, posted by Verloren on December 29, 2009, at 1:33:32
A lot of T's don't believe in hugging. Mine would never hug me or even shake my hand at the end of a session. They do worry about transference, which is not just about having sexual feelings, but can also be intense, child-like adoration and wanting T to care for you as a parent cares for a child.
I am in the process of ending therapy with my T of five years and today I told him that I'm grateful for his strong boundaries. The therapy relationship is so intense and intimate (for some people anyway) that it would be unbelievably easy for T's to muddy the water with hugs and personal revelations and role reversals. If my T had done that, I now understand, I would have left my marriage for him and destroyed my life for him.
You don't need to talk to Ada about this. You need to talk to your T about it. Why is a hug so important to you? How do you think it would impact your feelings about her? Why do you assume that she doesn't care about you just because she's set this boundary? My experience is that good T's care a lot about their clients and show this, not by hugging, but by bearing witness to our struggles with kindness and compassion.
But they can't be our parents. Nobody can. They can't give us the unconditional love that we failed to get when we were young. Maintaining boundaries is very important. You're lucky to have a T with good boundaries.
I feel like its not fair that she should laugh and take pleasure in enjoying my humor if, when Im upset or tormented, she wont also have compassion toward my needs.
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> I also think she was worried that my wanting a hug had to do with the transference. I asked for the hug just a few sessions after admitting my love for her, so I guess the timing was bad. Its possible the transference was playing a part, but at the time, I didnt feel sexually inclined toward her, rather like a child needing comfort.
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poster:emmanuel98
thread:931368
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/931377.html