Posted by Helana on December 16, 2009, at 10:43:26
In reply to Re: met with the T after rage fantasy » Helana, posted by deerock on December 16, 2009, at 8:09:39
So I am hearing that you expressed your feelings about something that made her uncomfortable. She "acted out" first by showing up late which triggered you to be angry and attack her verbally at which point she threw you out, clearly setting a boundary for herself. If i remember correctly you first got angry when she was late right? How did you feel when she was late? When you said you are just as crazy as my mother I feel like there is some transference just waiting to be explored. I think it would be very beneficial for both of you to explore what happened. Her being late symbolized something for you that you probably felt often as a child. Did you feel like you could express your feelings when you were young? Did you feel pushed away when the feelings were overwhelming? Did you feel punished? Maybe like you were to much to handle? How did it make you feel when she was late? What did you feel like you could or couldn't do from that point? What did it mean you must be like or not like? What do you tell yourself when she's acting the way she did?
I wonder if maybe the confussion is coming from a good place. That she still wants to see you and be your T. That she is not actually pushing you away she is only set bounderies for herself so she can still be of help to you. She wants you to express anger appropriately and she's giving you the chance to do that. Is that possibly the confussion? That maybe in previous relationships you didn't get that kind of second chance so it confirmed what you thought of yourself as a person and here she's not doing that? So it's confusing because it's not okay to attack in anger, but at the same time she's still accepting you? If you were to talk to your T right now, replace "you're as crazy as my mother" with how you were feeling at that moment and what you would like from her...no matter how crazy it sounds...and if you keeping getting angry responses like i feel angry and i'd like to punch you that's what I want right now, keep asking yourself why, why, why until you can't answer that anymore.
Thanks for posting and sharing with us deerock. Have a good day.Btw I may be totally out in left field and I am certainly not trying to persuade you or tell you what to think. I am just saying what comes to mind when I read your posts. I hope I don't ever offend you.
poster:Helana
thread:929464
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929543.html