Posted by deerock on December 11, 2009, at 8:07:34
i just got in from a session with my T. last session i told her about a violent fantasy i had about her and it made her really uncomfortable.
i feel like our relationship has been quite rocky for the last few weeks. she told me i need to get a consult because she isnt sure what is going on and she thinks we may or may not get past this. she also said i am welcome to find another therapist.i feel like i pushed her over the edge. ive been trying to get her to see me as a bad person and she has never been willing to do that. finally i think that by telling her this fantasy, she can see that something destructive is happening between us and that we cant get beyond it because its not clear whats happening.
i feel really blown out of the water. i thought she would never do this. she isnt telling me i cant go back but i think i made her really uncomfortable.
im not sure what all this means. but i feel like this is the final confirmation that i am no good and will never be any good.
part of me also thinks that perhaps it was a bad fit and this was my way of getting out of therapy with her instead of saying i want to leave and finding someone else. and another part of me thinks im acting something out that we were trying to address and i fought it so hard that i ended up getting to a place where i got her to feel unsafe with me. and the question becomes that if i fought it so hard, and its me who ruined it...how do i prevent this from happening again and again and again.
thanks for listening.
poster:deerock
thread:928822
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091022/msgs/928822.html