Posted by workinprogress on October 14, 2009, at 1:04:19
In reply to Ok, he doesn't, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2009, at 16:28:28
Dinah-
I've been following this thread and had numerous thoughts, but no time to write until now.
I would say this... 1st- there's the pat "beauty is in the eye of the beholder", which is true. It absolutely is. One can grow in attraction to someone because of time, perspective, expectations, and just plain getting to know someone.
2nd- I so so so get the idea that, "wow, if we're willing to be that frank, then he really does care for me, knows me, and is willing to be absolutely honest and present with me". And that Dinah, that is ****ing beautiful. Really really beautiful and amazing. Probably one of the most beautiful things we can ask for in life. For someone to love *all* of you, without equivocation.
3rd- I don't think any of that is negated by him clarifying with you, or the shifting of your perspective of what he meant/said. Just having the conversation is, well, that's just it. And I do think he is being entirely honest with you (so it isn't negated)... because he, like so many have expressed here, probably doesn't see things so black and white.
4th- If you do want to go black and white in terms of what "people"- whomever they are- deem beautiful or ugly, well, maybe you weren't particularly blessed in that arena. In terms of some arbitrary standard of what's "beautiful" or "ugly". But, it's still just arbitrary. And what people are saying here is that that's just one piece of it and it's not only arbitrary and not the perspective of all- it's not universal.
5th- You have some, but not *lots* of control over how you look. You can change the way you dress, get help with makeup or clothing choices, or lose some weight. But, to a certain extent, we've got what we've got. It is not by any means a reflection of "who you are" or certainly your "goodness" or "worth". Some people may look at it that way, but really, are you going to hold much stock in people judging you for what you had no choice in? I'm guessing, with all the work you've done... not so much.
6th- I don't think #5 is what you're "saying" at all. But, I think in this society, it's pretty hard to really embody and embrace #5... I know I struggle with it. So, my guess is that it's probably a struggle with you underneath all of this discussion (how could it not be in our society of stick thin models with perfect skin?)
7th- This is the part that's been in all my responses in my head to you during this thread. What I *know* of Dinah is that you are incredibly beautiful. You are always able to give perspective, to offer insight and feedback to those on this board. But, everything you say is laced with love, caring and respect. Even when you're challenging or strongly disagreeing with someone, I feel love laced throughout your words. You see the light, the sunshine, the beauty in *everyone*. That, my friend, is immeasurably beautiful. I hope someday to be able to put aside my own insecurities and lace love throughout my interactions, to see the sunshine in everyone. To offer everyone light....
That Dinah, is beauty I've seen in few others in my experience. So, regardless of the other 6... I hope you'll give yourself credit for that one, because I think that, and you, is/are among the most truly beautiful things I've encountered.
xo
WIP
poster:workinprogress
thread:920257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/920868.html