Posted by Daisym on October 2, 2009, at 0:52:28
In reply to an emotional trifecta - some triggers - long!, posted by onceupon on October 1, 2009, at 1:00:52
As I've posted many times, most of what you wrote is an ongoing struggle for me too. But it sounds like your therapist is up to this challenge, as she has been to the others you've worked through together. Think about the fact that she answered your question - that means she trusts that you can handle it and knows that this is an important issue for you.
My therapist tells me in many different ways that he *is* MY therapist. It might not be exclusive but he is totally with ME during sessions. And he also frequently tells me that it is OK to want to be special - who doesn't? And the length of time we've spent working together does contribute to being special - think about what you know and the little jokes you've shared. These are the things that make people special to each other.
Suicidal thoughts are a good warning that your depression is increasing. If you were a diabetic and your blood sugar was high, you would take your insulin. So try to get over the idea that there is anything shameful in needed medication to balance your chemistry.
Sometimes I start these really hard conversations with, "there is a post on the board (I don't say the name of the board)about wanting to feel special in therapy. It made me think about how I felt last week when we had a really deep, good session. And yet as good as that felt, I worry about how stupid all this sounds and that you probably hear it 100 times a week." Or something like that.
It feels like a million years ago, but I remember when I told my therapist I had loving feelings for him. And I said most of what I said above. He told me that it wasn't stupid and that it wasn't that common that 1) people felt deep loving feelings and 2) that they were brave enough to admit and talk about them. Since then we've had many feelings about my need to feel special and all the ramifications of that.
None of this is easy. I wish I could tell you the answer. What I do know is that the more I struggle against it, the worse I feel. I hope you find a way to distract yourself.
poster:Daisym
thread:919225
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/919364.html