Posted by garnet71 on March 23, 2009, at 9:57:17
In reply to Re: How do you process anger?, posted by Sigismund on March 22, 2009, at 23:14:05
"Sometimes anger pushes me to do something I wouldn't do something positive the anger is the motivator." -- Phillipa
You know, Phillipa-that's great. One of my therapists once told me that some big achievers have fueled their accomplishments out of hypervigilance. Turning it into something positive is a wonderful concept.
"I don't much like extreme anger, it makes my head hurt. But with intense emotions in general I've always found the best way to process them is to accept them, and acknowledge them." -- Dinah
Well Dinah, you make it sound so simple :)). If that's all I need to do, then I've already done what was necessary. That's interesting that anger makes your head hurt. (Not interesting in a good way, but you know what I mean...)
"Temporary fixes can be anything that makes you calm again. If you get intense attacks of rage, you can punch or kick something." - Raison B
Raison, that wouldn't work for me..it's not a rage feeling and the anger never manifests physically. I can't even kill a bug in the house w/o feeling bad for it, let alone have the urge to destroy objects or beat pillows, as I've heard of that method. One person in my life, a toxic emotional vampire, was the only person who led me to feel enraged-but it was more of an intense frustration. The journaling is a good idea, but every time I try to make a habit of it, I fail.
"But for me the only long-term solution was to deal with my deep feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness. Once I started really trying to love myself (which I still struggle with!) and believe in myself, constant anger at little things went away." - Raison B
That certainly is familiar to me. I need to work on my self-esteem; sometimes I think if I were to be successful at that, somehow all my problems would "go away". It sounds as if you are making progress in that department, so congrats.
"I'm often really surprised at what pops into my head if I'm feeling upset & ask myself, "When have I felt like this before?" A doctor who I go to who does energy work says something about - when we get upset by things now, as adults, usually the things resonate with things that have happened to us up to the age 5." -- Kath
When have I felt like this before--that's a great way to connect with the underlying causes. I tend to agree with your doctor that our emotions are very attached to our childhood, but I don't know about age 5...
"AND if my friend had never had that happen as a kid, her response to someone raising their voice like that at her would NOT upset her." - Kath
That shows that triggers, though subtle, may never end!
"I've found TAT extremely useful in healing past trauma WITHOUT having to re-experience the trauma. There's a website: www.tatlife.com." - Kath
Kath--is that the same as EFT? I've heard that does wonders for people. Thanks so much for reminding me of it. Got your email too--sorry behind in email responses..but am determined to try that. I once found a therapist, alternative, that facilitates that, and didn't feel too confident trying it on my own, but I'll have to scratch that thought and do it anyway. Kath, I'm so glad it's helping you with coping re your son's situation. You are such an inspiring person for sure!! Sunshine shines wherever you go despite all the stuff that's going on in your life. :))
"I don't think it is the 'anger' necessarily that one keeps; it is the perceived social relationship or insult or whatever. the anger is the habit that is still occuring. one can change it; thats what vengence or reconciliation is for, alerting the underlying relationship. Forgiveness/understanding/contextualising (probably with a mix of empathy/pity) is probably more emotional work, but usually the 'right' approach - changing the habit we have in how we react to the negative event to use more positive emotionality. strong emotions don't go away easily, but they go faster if there is postive counter to teh negative." - d/r
D/R, you are much smarter than me. I had never thought of it in this way. I don't have vengeful feeling towards anyone, which I think is part of the problem; the anger originates from 'things' that happen in my life that are not connected with individual people. Or-I get angry at myself. I've done that most of my life. I hate that I get angry at myself so much--this is why I'm trying to understand how to process it. I think that getting angry at myself, instead of people/in general is why I haven't properly dealt with it in a healthful way. Like the situation with my ex--I get so angry at myself for staying with him as long as I did, for meeting him, agreeing to date him, wasting myself on him etc. Often I wonder if that old saying is true - anger turned inward leads to depression.
"wait for it to calm down" - Sigi
It doesn't get loud. It's sort of insidious most of the time. It does come out, like in the situation I described, but not enough, imo. If it manifests like this more, it would give me more opportunities to figure it all out.
Lot's of stuff to consider here. I think self-esteem might be the key in my case. If I can make progress with that, maybe I won't be so angry at myself. As far as getting angry at things, there's stuff to think about here too. I'm trying so hard. It's hard w/o therapy sometimes. Thanks so much for all the advice and have a wonderful day. :))
- Garnet
poster:garnet71
thread:886382
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/886659.html