Posted by SLS on February 18, 2009, at 21:27:51
In reply to Re: Update, posted by yellowbird01 on February 18, 2009, at 19:54:21
Hi Yellowbird.
> I've done so well for a few days but now tonight is HARD. I've cried a few times. It's him, my ex- of all the people in the world, HE... he doesnt want me anymore.. not even as a friend. He can say goodbye and not hurt because he has lost me. (Yes, he hurts, but its mostly about something else, not about having lost me). The man that.... well, fill in all the memories here. No need typing them all out. But I can picture them, I can remember in my head and in my heart how I felt in those moments... and it meant so little to him that he was willing to walk away. That hurts so, so bad. I'm so tempted to pick up the phone and call him.. but i wont because I'd regret it. I lost him. He's gone. He doesnt want to be my friend anymore. He did.not.love.me. Period. How will I ever get over that loss? It's (his name).... He was supposed to come to the lake with everyone next weekend (a mutual friend owns a lakehouse a few hours away and a group of us goes a few times per year). I dont know I'll go now or not but he's not coming. He ALWAYS comes... it's all of us couples. He isnt coming. He's gone from my life and he's choosing that. It's what he wants. I just wasnt that important.
>
> Sorry, wild meaningless rambling done for now. Ouchie. Ow ow ow.
He might be doing you a big favor by no longer wanting to be your friend, and I know that you know why. However, his actions are being interpreted by you as a complete and total rejection of you as a person. I can understand that. Just remember that he had found you worthwhile for quite a long time, and at any point in your relationship, he could have put together quite a long list of things that he liked about you.This guy is a real mess. Let him go.
He is only one individual in a world of billions, the majority of which would enjoy your company. I must disagree with your characterization of this event in your life as being, "I lost him". You didn't do anything that produced this result, even though you might want to isolate a cause and effect. Some people are just not meant to be together. Only you can know if he has lost you. I think the favor he has done for you is to reinforce in your mind that it is time to move forward without him. He has indeed lost you.
I don't believe in being vindictive and wishing a person bad simply because they have rejected me. I don't set out to devalue or hate someone who has hurt me in such a way. I don't need to substitute hate for hurt. I feel stronger in acknowledging that such things are the ways of human relationships, and that people have seasons. The two of you were probably right for each other for the time you spent together for many different reasons, both healthy and unhealthy. Of course you are going to have good memories. I like to embrace the joys I experienced with people whom I am no longer with, regardless of who hurt who. Cherish the good memories. They are yours to keep forever.
I'll stop here, although I feel I could go on babbling. I don't know why I feel like writing so much when addressing the difficult time you are now having. I guess it resonates quite a bit with my own experiences of loves had and loves lost.
I guess I won't stop here.
I know this is a bad day for you. I don't write this stuff to try to make you feel better, although I hope it does. It is more of an attempt to try on different perspectives to see if any of them fit you.
As you so concisely explained, he doesn't want you, so you have no choice but to...
I would throw the word "better" in there somewhere. You have no *better* choice but to... You have to fill in the rest of the sentence.
You can choose to hope for reunion and remain in place or you can choose to move forward and participate with the world again. Which is the better choice for you? Make one decision at a time as if you were travelling a path with forks in the road. If at each fork, you choose the path you know is right for you, you might very well end up happy and fulfilled. I hope so. You might not know right away which direction to travel in, but you can always choose a brand new path if the one you are on is bringing you to places you do not wish to be.
I find your "babbling" in this post to be healthy regardless of how much hurt may be inspiring it. You are not weaker today for not being as strong as yesterday. That's a bit of a paradox to play with. What you did here is something similar to what I did when I was having problems dealing with my divorce. I wrote page after page after page of babbling and catharsis. It was not meant to be read by anyone, even though some of it I wrote as if it were addressed to my ex-wife. Some people call this journalling. Mine was not so formal. I found it very therapeutic, though. It helped me untangle thoughts and feelings. You can write a letter to your ex-, but don't send it.
Enough.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:880275
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880993.html