Posted by yellowbird01 on February 18, 2009, at 19:54:21
In reply to Re: Update » yellowbird01, posted by wittgensteinz on February 18, 2009, at 7:45:44
Thanks you all for your thoughts... I sent my T a fairly long email last night explaining where I am and why yesterdays session hurt. She probably wont respond and that's fine... at least I know I expressed myself and I believe did so pretty clearly.
I've done so well for a few days but now tonight is HARD. I've cried a few times. It's him, my ex- of all the people in the world, HE... he doesnt want me anymore.. not even as a friend. He can say goodbye and not hurt because he has lost me. (Yes, he hurts, but its mostly about something else, not about having lost me). The man that.... well, fill in all the memories here. No need typing them all out. But I can picture them, I can remember in my head and in my heart how I felt in those moments... and it meant so little to him that he was willing to walk away. That hurts so, so bad. I'm so tempted to pick up the phone and call him.. but i wont because I'd regret it. I lost him. He's gone. He doesnt want to be my friend anymore. He did.not.love.me. Period. How will I ever get over that loss? It's (his name).... He was supposed to come to the lake with everyone next weekend (a mutual friend owns a lakehouse a few hours away and a group of us goes a few times per year). I dont know I'll go now or not but he's not coming. He ALWAYS comes... it's all of us couples. He isnt coming. He's gone from my life and he's choosing that. It's what he wants. I just wasnt that important.
Sorry, wild meaningless rambling done for now. Ouchie. Ow ow ow.
poster:yellowbird01
thread:880275
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880975.html