Posted by lucie lu on February 11, 2009, at 9:54:02
In reply to Therapist retired but we still are in contact., posted by Freudiannic on February 10, 2009, at 18:06:13
Hi Freudiannic,Welcome to Babble. I second Witti's and Sharon's posts and think they have offered good things for you to think about.
I certainly can see why you feel stuck in the gray area. Your T's behavior is very puzzling to me too. But beyond that, there are two things that personally I don't find very OK. The first is that he would send you a bill from 2005 - unless I misunderstood and that was in 2005? Reason being that insurance companies typically won't honor old bills beyond a certain time, usually only a few months after the calendar year in which they are incurred. If yours is one of the few plans that would do that, and your T is aware of it, then hmmm. If not, then you would be responsible out of pocket, which would hardly be fair if your insurance would have picked it up had the bills been submitted in a timely fashion. This all sounds so weird to me that I must have the wrong end of the stick, at least I hope so!
The second thing is that he would schedule some communication at a certain time, miss it, and then snap at you that it is none of your business why he missed it. IMO this really is not OK (as we say to our young children), not professionally, not personally. I would be very pissed at a friend, colleague, professional, or anyone who did that to me, and want an explanation if not an apology.
I hope that your attachment is not such that it skews the power in the relationship far too much. You have every right to say something about both of these and to expect him to meet you at the negotiating table with grace and humility.
So I guess my concern is whether your T indeed has retained all the power in this relationship, yet eschews the responsibilities that go with such power. I am also curious - has he always been like this or is this new behavior?
I can see that this relationship means a great deal to you. Clearly he has played an important healing role in your life. The issue of its continuance is complex and requires good communication between the two of you. If that communication and negotiation is handled successfully, this could provide an enormously beneficial growth experience for you. It seems that what you are really missing from all this is resolution and closure. He has been a good parent, but the balance of power should be shifting somewhat in your favor after all this time or you will never feel able to leave the nest.
Take care,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:879299
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879416.html