Posted by seldomseen on February 5, 2009, at 11:17:17
In reply to Testing our relationships with our Ts (long), posted by antigua3 on February 5, 2009, at 9:34:50
I am so sorry that you are in a bad place and feel abandoned by those that you expected to help. I understand that feeling.
For me, it's much easier and much more comfortable to just come to the conclusion that nobody cares. It's like an old pair of jeans, that have stretched and molded to my body, it just fits.
However, one day I noticed those old jeans made my butt look really big and just weren't working out for me anymore no matter how comfortable.
I'm a big tester myself, well I used to be at least. For me, the primary problem with testing proved to be that I was constantly misinterpreting the results of the test. Then, when confronted with the actual interpretation, I would misinterpret that too.
I've just come to the conclusion that I can never know what someone's intentions, thoughts, motivations are unless I directly ask. At least then that points me in the right direction. Of course, then I have to trust that they are telling me the truth, which requires a lot of work, but I never even get to that point unless I ask.
I've also learned that, as much as I wish he was, my therapist is not at all magic when it comes to reading my mind either. He doesn't know what I want or need unless I tell him.
SOmetimes I have to beat him down with the fact that I am in a bad place before he "gets it". I used to attribute his slow on the uptake methods to all sorts of things, but in reality he's a human being who misses subtle, and sometimes not so subtle clues. Yeah, they have all this training and the like, but they're still human.
I really started taking a hard look at that way I communicated with my therapist. Was I clear in the way I told him something? Did I ask for what I wanted? Did I just expect him to know? Is that a fair expectation?
However, the most important question I asked was "Were my own issues getting in the way of me getting what I need from him?" When I decided that the answer to that specific question was "Yes", then things began to change.
The testing stopped and I started talking. It helped a lot.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:878199
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878214.html