Posted by llurpsienoodle on December 6, 2008, at 12:50:32
In reply to Re: Slow Down! » llurpsienoodle, posted by JayMac on December 5, 2008, at 21:45:03
> Ll,
> I am most curious about how the joke your T made has effected you?Hi Jay, thanks for your response. I *have* been thinking a lot about that comment. I should put it in a bit of context. The professor that I contemplate asking for a letter of recommendation has expressed curiosity in my work, above and beyond what would be expected from someone in his role. For instance, he asked me for a copy of my dissertation abstract, and then responded back to my mailing of the abstract within 5 minutes with a little cartoon attached to the e-mail. That was strange. And then he asked me a couple other questions, like did I know such-and-such's theory? etc? This email showed complex thought, so he obviously put some effort into it. Again, irrelevant to course material, or my education. And he responds to my e-mails about due dates, etc. within minutes of getting them. Aside from this curiosity in my intellect, he doesn't show any interest in my person, that I'm aware of.
I have spoken about this with T, because it makes me feel uncomfortable. T asks "why does it make you feel uncomfortable?" "umm, because he's my professor?" "well, it's not a BAD thing that he could be interested in you" "huh? that would be immoral", I insist. "no, that would be natural", says T, "In fact, you could even try to explore it a little bit, rather than deny that sexual tension exists in this sort of relationship". oh dear, I'm thinking, what a mess. But then I thought, well, what's the harm? I can contemplate the possibility of being an object of interest, even though I feel like a lump of muffin. T is trying to say that I'm not totally unattractive. I guess this might be worth a try, if it will improve my self-esteem.
so, I give him updates on this professor every week. The latest bizarre thing he has said in lecture, or the feedback he has given me on assignments, which are to the point, but quirky, and humorous.
Ironically, this prof that I am uneasy about has showed more interest in my work than other professors, and thus knows more about me, so I'm probably going to ask him for a letter. Well, what's the harm? He can always say no. It would probably flatter him that I'm asking him.
>In my opinion, that was not the best comment he could have made. What did he say after that?
Well, he said "I couldn't resist", and then I took a moment to collect myself and changed topics to my work. I made a conscious decision not to pursue that joke. I didn't want to reinforce his bawdy sense of humor.
>Did he seem supportive? Or did he just leave you hanging with his joke? Joking can be great, but it sounds like his jokes are suggestive.
Oh, his jokes are suggestive, suggesting that I am a human being with a sexual side, as much as I would try to deny that I am anything but a nerdy brain. I try desperately to protect this sexual side, but the splitting off from my main personhood has become rather pathological.
> If I remember correctly (forgive me if I'm wrong), he has made inappropriate comments/jokes before?
>yep- you've got a good memory. and I'm sure that he will make further inappropriate jokes. Although I think he can control himself if I bring it to his attention that he shouldn't be amusing himself at the expense of my therapy. So far the jokes *haven't* been devastating, but they have been disruptive, i.e. preventing me from getting T's feedback about whether to ask this prof to write me a letter of rec.
> Take good care of yourself!
> Hugs!!
> JayMacThank you Jaymac, hugs back to you. I took a walk this am, so I guess that counts for taking care of myself, right?
-Ll
poster:llurpsienoodle
thread:866892
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867025.html