Posted by lucie lu on November 15, 2008, at 7:23:13
In reply to Re: 'T' has trouble staying awake,2nd more story, posted by maysie on November 14, 2008, at 23:47:04
>of not being engaged. The thing keeping me there is it was him who found these memories. Do I try to work it out or move on?
Maisie, I can understand your not wanting to move on until you are completely convinced that your therapy will not meet your ultimate goals with this T. After all, you have already invested time and money and some emotional energy into the relationship.
I think his current practice may be another thing to consider besides his personal qualities as a T. It is my impression, and maybe other Babblers can comment more knowledgeably on this, that certain populations, including felons and addicts, can be difficult, and for some Ts even disheartening to treat, if only because many really don't want or feel they need therapy. They are only there because the court or some other authority mandated it. So your T may not be used to someone really wanting to make a deep connection. Or did he choose this line of work because he won't have to connect deeply? It seems to me that he would have jumped at the opportunity at having a client who was really motivated. The fact that he hasn't engaged then suggests that he can't or on some level just doesn't wish to.
I think it is healthy that you want to make the decision carefully whether to stay with him or not. But we all hear your deep frustration and disappointment. So while it may not be an entirely lost cause, it seems to me it would be an uphill battle. IMO it would be sad to see you staying in that situation and longing for words you may have to put into his mouth. Maysie, just from what you have written so far, I see you as an intelligent and perceptive woman who articulates her goals and dreams, someone who wants and would benefit from a close and meaningful therapeutic relationship with a T who can actively participate in the personal growth you seek. It's not just that your current T does not fit the bill, it's that you deserve so much more than you are getting. It just seems really worth it, IMHO,for you to look around just a bit longer and see if you can find a better match. I think someone like you would be a good client, one that many Ts would like to work with. I hate to see you commit yourself to such a limited relationship as the one you currently have.
Simply out of curiosity, and please just tell me I'm overstepping in asking this, but have you been in relationships before where you felt you had to do all the work to keep it going?
I'm glad you decided to come to Babble.
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:862737
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/863153.html