Posted by Suedehead on November 12, 2008, at 18:57:36
I'm sick. Have been for the last couple of days and probably will be tomorrow, too. In fact, I suspect that it's going to get a bit worse before it gets better. I have a session scheduled for tomorrow morning and I think that I'm going to go despite my illness. Maybe it would be better for me to try to reschedule--after all, I may be contagious (who knows?) and I don't want to get him sick. The thing is, though, that I really, really want him to see me like this--worn out, defenses down, too weary to hide my sadness the way I normally do. I'm usually very put together when I see him--I dress pretty well, I'm friendly. He's told me several times that he thinks I'm funny and charming and that I seem very high-functioning for someone who has suffered from depression for most of her life (though I should clarify here that he isn't doubting me when he says this!). I'm looking forward to going in there tomorrow and having the outside match the inside for a change. I feel like I finally have an 'excuse' to be totally pathetic and miserable in his presence and it's incredibly liberating. Does any of this make sense? Maybe I should talk to him about it.
poster:Suedehead
thread:862649
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/862649.html