Posted by Nadezda on November 9, 2008, at 23:53:50
In reply to Messy head, posted by Wittgensteinz on November 9, 2008, at 16:19:29
There's no knowing when it will happen--and probably has been complicated by your mother's presence--but there's reason to believe you can heal the rupture with your T. But even if you can't-- even if it remains a bad memory, even one that stays a bone of contention with your T, whenever it comes up, it doesn't portend the end of things with him. I have some bad interactions and misunderstandings with my T that still create tension between us-- because intensity of the disagreement on the issue causes a real turbulence between us when it enters the room-- But they've just sunk as you say out of sight-- and really don't count for much in the long history of things.
Sometimes two people just come at something from such different needs and feelings that there's no coming to resolution. It's not a good thing-- and it's much better to be able to work things through to better feelings about the confrontation itself. But the inability to do it doesn't cause a breakdown, and isn't inevitably a harbinger of more and more such events. They can be extremely rare, or even singular, moments, in a relationship where a great deal of harmony and growth dominate.
Just try to stick with things through the sense of dread. Your fatalism and loss of a sense of the potiential ongoing of things may be a reaction to your mother's visit and all the destabilizing and self-accusatory emotions it stirs up. Plus the new course, especially given your pdoc's quite unnecessary and unhelpful admonitions--So try to remember that this is just a difficult time, but one that may pass.
There's just a lot going on now-- and of course you're going to feel under strain and exhausted. But the oppressiveness will lift-- and you'll feel freer and may be even excited at your new course-- and the new challenges it offers. And I do think you'll get through this with your T. Maybe it is better not to discuss the rupture for a while, so other, better things can begin to displace it. Perhaps then with distance, you can revisit it-- and you'll come to it with a new understanding or a renewed spirit.
I very much hope so.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:861841
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/861973.html