Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2008, at 16:52:22
In reply to Re: A bit of a RAMBLE, posted by muffled on November 4, 2008, at 14:53:25
> > Biofeedback guy - Abrasive and rude. I'm sure he thought of himself as direct and no nonsense. I lasted a few sessions because I really wanted to do biofeedback and he was (and is) the only one in the city. The best I could say about him was that he was a good trial for my biofeedback relaxation. Every time he walked in the room, my blood pressure, pulse, etc. shot way up. He fussed at me for that.
>
> *so only a few sessions? My T still make some nervous and all switchy.But I settle some.No, this guy liked being abrasive. He was one of those Dr. Phil types who like to shake things up to shock clients into making changes. That's just not going to fly with me. I folded my arms, and told him he clearly had some negative feelings about me and asked if he thought he could work with me anyway. He said I clearly had some negative feelings about him, and asked if I thought I could work with him. I said no, and that was that.
> > EMDR therapist - I don't remember her much, and I don't think I hated her exactly. But long term? Nope.
>
> *what was it that was detrimental? was it gender?I don't really remember her. Maybe that was the problem. :) I know she said she wasn't willing to see me unless I continued to see my other therapist. She didn't want the bother of what sounded like a high maintenance client, I guess. I probably felt her reluctance. I also have a vague memory that she didn't seem that bright a bulb. It may be horrid of me, but I think I need a therapist at least as smart as I am.
> > T3 - Seemed to like me ok on the phone. Had some interesting things to say at first. She thought I looked odd and let me know it, fairly openly. She eventually told me to grow up, less directly than T2.
>
> *:-( That must have been hurtful :-(Not really hurtful. It reinforced my ideas about how women perceive me, which was sad I guess. But I didn't care enough about her for her to hurt me.
> > Dr. Lurch (for want of a better name) - Scares me senseless
>
> *nuther p-doc? sorry you got scaredHe's still my pdoc! I like Dr. Just the facts ma'am much better, but he moved. :( Still, he gives me my meds without a fuss, and doesn't try to experiment on me. It's not necessary to say anything other than that my meds are working ok.
> > Some too hard, some too soft. Only one just right.
>
> * I STILL think there one out there for you, but you gonna have to fight to relationship with them! :-0
>
> > I could tell him that I want to see someone about the phobia, and I think his desire not to put himself out will overcome any worries he had about my taking one session a week to someone else. But he knows me well too. He knows it wouldn't likely work out.
>
> *again, negative. Maybe the first second or third won't, but what bout the fourth? mebbe they would. But you goto go into it with the right attitude, be willing to put cards on table. Be up front bout attitudes and how you feeling bout how they respond to you. I know you got super radar, but mebbe sometimes its wrong?
> Mebbe you'll find one you can work with.
> But you may have to fight yourownself to get there...
>
> > I think it's great you can work so well with someone you don't particularly care for. I know I can't. Unless I have positive feelings for someone, I'd be way too mistrustful.
>
> *ROFL, I DON'T truly trust my T!!! I tell her that too. We talk about that she NOT gonna hurt me, I say that I do not KNOW that for a FACT, but I allow as given her credentials and time here that its unlikely she would. She does EMDR, and I say NO WAY (I think she not think I ready anyhow). No way cuz I not trust NOboddy to mess w/anything that might take my control away. She says I(me) am in control, I say how can I beleive you?! She say, do you think I think your weird, I don't, and goes on and on bout how she don't etc, and I end up saying, ultimately, I do not know what T thinks(manoman I think I FRUSTRATE her BIG time that day!!!)she may think I weird and hiding it cuz it not THERAPUTIC for her to say she think I weird!
> LOL! So I DO respect that she has knowledge that may be helpful to me, and I am certainly willing to talk to her, but I am not yet ready to trust her.
> The biggest stumbling block to my therapy is myownself, and my own defenses and resistance. I think it will just take time to get past that.
> I am, due to my previous positive T experinece, moving to a position of more trust a thousand times fatser than with my previous T, so there is hope.
> Only prob is this T is a specialist and big bucks, and my medical coverage is going to end, so I may have to end T....so it may all never happen. WTF eh?
> Least I can take care of mysownself and NOBODDY ever f*ck w/this body, I kill them first, so body OK, just I'd like to do better. I'd like to learn intimacy and trust. I'd like to be together enuf to help others. To do anything cept wallow.
> Wanka wanka!
> I think I have rambled haven't I?
> Oh well.
> Just I wish you well Dinah.
> Hope I not bothering you any.
> MuffledYou NEVER bother me, Muffled. NEVER. I love to hear from you.
It's really hard to understand. I may be nice here on babble, and I may even be nice enough in social situations. But I'm *not* nice in therapy. I rely more on how they "feel" than how they look or what they say. But I also need someone who is just the right amount of pushy, someone with a large serving of tact (even if I can see through it), someone smart, someone with a bit of humor, someone willing to wait for me to be ready. And I'm not at all nice with therapists I don't like. I don't necessarily mean I'm confrontational, but I can be as intolerant as I used to be with teachers. I can definitely be challenging. I can be scornful.
I'm not saying there could never be anyone else. But I'd probably have to go through the entire phone book, and even then my chances wouldn't be great. I'm just not at all nice as a client.
And the chances of finding someone with the qualifications I would need for my specific problem? We're talking minute teensy chance then.
I do know that he can't help me with some of my stuff. I just don't quite know what to do about it.
poster:Dinah
thread:860712
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/860801.html