Posted by antigua3 on November 4, 2008, at 11:47:08
In reply to Life shouldn't be this hard - triggers, posted by DAisym on November 4, 2008, at 0:49:16
Daisy, sex can be a difficult part of so many relationships, despite CSA.
I found myself in a situation w/my DH a couple of months ago and participated in something that I thought I was over, and would never do again. I gave in to my DH, and I can't tell you the shame I felt, that I had betrayed myself in the worst way, that I thought I was "over" doing something I didn't want to do but pleased my DH.
I talked it through w/my pdoc and t, and both said the same thing: don't be so hard on yourself. But I felt awful. I had said no several times and my DH wouldn't listen, and then the little girl part took over and I gave in to please him.
It took a lot of talking w/my husband to get over this, and I've set certain boundaries that I try to stick to, such as having more control over the situation. It has helped tremendously, but getting over the guilt at having betrayed my own thought about sex still haven't quite left me. I still tend to disassociate a lot, but if that's what I have to do, I'll do it.
But the intimacy is better now, and we've been married a very long time. I find more parts to enjoy now because I can say no, and I will put an end to it if I don't want to do something. It doesn't make my husband happy, but when it's good now, it can be almost great.
So please hang in there. I don't know if you should discuss this w/Mr. X or not; I'm not qualified to answer that. Maybe you need more time sorting it out. But if you don't, you'll be headed down a pattern that you will have to break later.
I don't know the answer. How close are you to him? How much do you care? I'm sorry I don't have much to offer, but sex/intimacy can be wonderful, it truly can, when both parties agree on the boundaries.
I'm sending you warm thoughts today, and please don't be so hard on yourself.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:860690
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/860738.html