Posted by lucie lu on October 16, 2008, at 10:24:24
In reply to Re: For Jay, Turtle, FMD + others -- LOOOONG!, posted by FindingMyDesire on October 15, 2008, at 16:51:58
> Wow, Lucie Lu,
> Thank you so much for sharing your experience here! It is very helpful - at least in the intellectual moment right now. I read this before lunch and then noticed that I felt much less shame while I was thinking about HER for that hour. I also think the JayMac "How often do you...?" thread has helped - but I need more of that conversation! Way more than I could even have here.
>
> Your line "I flopped around like a fish on a line" perfectly describes where I am right now. My head is so full of this stuff right now I don't know how I function at all really. And my body - either I am hurting; my palms, my chest, my throat out of some kind of pain, or I have a burning shame sensation in my belly, or I'm simply overwhelmed with sexual desire. It feels weird to have normal conversations with people in the hallway at work. Can't they tell I'm only half listening? What if I say her name out loud by accident?
>
> Anyway, thanks Lucie. Your sharing helps.
>
> FMDI don't think I made clear with my account that although the first intensity of the attachment feelings has sort of morphed into something else, I am very familiar with all the feelings you describe - I even called someone else his name, which was mortifying! I couldn't stop thinking about him and the intense, ever-present longings just swept through me emotionally and physically, pretty much as you have described so well.
What I wanted to convey was that nothing is static about the relationship, and your feelings about it change. Also one thing my T wanted me to learn, and we've worked on it a lot, is the ability to tolerate painful or uncomfortable feelings. For me, the model of this was separation anxiety from him. You'd think, given many of our pasts, that we'd actually been tolerating painful feelings for years. But the way I, at least, had done that was by dissociation and escapism in various flavors. But I have learned that these are not healthy ways and lead to their own problems. Healthy ways include things like reframing, positive thoughts (e.g. this won't last forever), sublimation etc. Maybe you and your T can talk about ways you can find to tolerate intense feelings in general. This skill is something I have to work hard on, but I think I'm gradually getting better at it. But I still struggle with separation anxiety!
Best,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:857578
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857712.html