Posted by turtle on October 15, 2008, at 20:49:22
In reply to For Jay, Turtle, FMD + others -- LOOOONG!, posted by lucie lu on October 15, 2008, at 13:35:47
Lucie!!!
No wonder you had to laugh at me for being an impudent young upstart who in my last post gave your own advice back to you and dared you to slip back into being 'younger in therapy!' ;-)
I can't help laughing out loud at myself right now. I was riveted and pulled in a million directions as I followed along with every step of your journey. Now I have this image of myself as a 1 year old who is just learning how to self feed. (Gimme cookie! Mine!!!! mmMmMmm, Cookie!) That's as far as I've gotten in the therapy relationship. My baby brain suspected that there was more, but I was only focused on COOKIE. In the space of one long post I suddenly became clearly aware that compared to my COOKIE, you've grown the food yourself, prepared a gourmet meal, planned the dinner party, matched the wine, lead the social event, and cleaned it all up yourself. Not only did you work extremely hard doing all of that, it was all a great success! Sometimes when I read your posts all of the concepts flow so naturally through you that you make it look effortless. And then I dare to say to you (with cookie all over my face) "mmm, cookie good" and try to hand you some. Too funny!
I love your description of falling into the Sun. I often think of attachment in terms of gravity. These feelings are definitely Planet worthy. You describe things so very vividly and clearly.
What made me hold still, watch intensely, afraid to breath (and very feel very painful inside me) was your description of his efforts to reach you. You told of his efforts to stand by you and willingness save you from shark infested waters. This is what makes us fall in love with our therapists. Those sharks are our defenses, fears, shells, habitual aloneness, and a million different varieties of protections that keep anyone from reaching us. It really takes a heroic person to find a way though that to touch our inner cores and weather all we throw at them. It's very hard for someone like me in the baby stages to hold onto the idea that someone that heroic might be for real. It's very hard to believe that I'm not going to be just left stranded here to drown and be eaten by the sharks as soon as I become vulnerable. Sharing your story makes it just a little easier to hold onto that hope. Therapists have a VERY difficult job. Really, your story has two heroes, you for risking yourself, and him for reaching you.
This will take a few more readings to really soak up, but I wanted to respond right away.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and for reaching out to help us.
Very grateful Turtle
poster:turtle
thread:857578
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857650.html