Posted by turtle on September 22, 2008, at 0:12:56
In reply to Re: Missing Shell? » turtle, posted by Dinah on September 21, 2008, at 14:27:08
Dinah, I keep coming back to your reply. Yes, magical is the word to describe how the new trust came into being.
After I get the stars out of my eyes though, I come back to the place where I wish I could define it. I just can't untangle it yet though.
I've gotten myself into trouble many times with not knowing what trust is all about. (Here new person, I'll give you open access to all of these ways to hurt me, so I trust you. But when it comes to sharing myself or standing up for myself when you are hurtful to me? I ignore and deny it all. My needs do not exist. Just what are needs anyway? That is the mystery.) Even with my past therapist my needs were not being met and trust did not develop, but I so desperately wanted to stay in that relationship.
Now that I have the first glimmer of what it feels like to trust and be open, and have that trust be deserved, I very much wish I could define it as more than "magic" so that I can learn to be healthier in my future relationships. I need someone outside of therapy to fill these Needs and to trust, but what exactly am I looking for?
You also understood so well with the "now that you are feeling, the feelings are all so overpowering." I know that 'my flow' doesn't work so well for me. I have this desert-flood cycle that goes on with my emotions, along with not understanding what I feel much of the time. This Need thing is definitely a flood right now. I have much work to do.
Thanks,
Turtle
poster:turtle
thread:853181
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853361.html