Posted by Nadezda on September 19, 2008, at 18:46:09
In reply to Re: I have no idea what to talk about with my T » Nadezda, posted by raisinb on September 17, 2008, at 11:42:12
Well, I've missed two appointments with him this week. That is, I haven't gone. I'm feeling very conflicted but I am glad, at least, that people think he's being kind of mean. Sometimes, I wonder if I"m hearing things completely out of proportion to what he's saying-- and maybe I am, but maybe not.
It';s still confusing to me--
I was hoping to go to a class this week, and I didn't-- because I had another anxiety attack about whether I can ever do anything, or be even acceptably good at anything. (I know it sounds a bit crazy, because there's probably no reason I should be so much more useless than everyone at learning how to paint well-- but I feel as if I am--)
I just feel that he's awfully sick of hearing about my not managing to do things. I told him in my message this morning cancelling the appointment that I hadn't gone-- and he left a message saying that he did think I was making progress. So maybe it won't be too bad to go in and talk about it. I did some reading online about self-acceptance and radical acceptance and that sort of thing-- and maybe over time, it will help.
I think, at the very least, that I have to get more somewhat less derailed by my T's judgments about me. I can't let myself be so hurt by his disapprovall, get upset and start to feel so overwhelmed and confused. I'm hoping that maybe that will help with the class-- although perhaps that's wishful thinking. Right now I don't know what, if anything will--radical acceptance is great as a concept, but so far, it hasn't given me the strength to get to the class.
I'm sorry I haven' t written back to individuals. I really appreciate what everyone wrote. The last couple of days have been kind of turmoil and it's hard to know what I think about my T so far, except that he is being unkind-- and I have to find a way of handling it better. I just hope there is a way without a confrontation, because those don't seem useful so far. Maybe the knowledge itself will help me a little.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:852262
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/852989.html