Posted by susan47 on August 24, 2008, at 15:59:23
In reply to Re: Update: Termination because of strong transference » susan47, posted by nebulae on August 23, 2008, at 20:56:39
First of all, the way he looked at me. Obviously noticing a new hairstyle. I dressed to impress once; the next appointment, he was dressed to impress. I played on things like that. I flirted with it because I wanted to see if I was making an impact, and if I was, I needed to know what that impact was. I told him I was smoking mj before I came to see him, actually I told him I was eating it, I didn't smoke it, but quickly that turned to smoking it as well, then I just stopped eating it and became an avid smoker. He never mentioned my eating mj, or getting stoned before I came to see him, as any sort of problem at all. He was accepting. He was a good therapist, I'm convinced of it. But somehow along the line, he said it was okay for me to phone him between appointments, because I had said I had a crush on him and felt uncomfortable and couldn't tell him the things I wanted to tell him during appointments.
So this was okay, for a while.
And I talked a lot, endlessly nonstop, my life was fascinating, I was happy for the first time in years, when I was able to express all my sorrow over my failed marriage, over my children's illnesses, my failed relationship with my eldest child who had just left for university at 17 because he couldn't stand the atmosphere at home anymore. I lived in such an oppresive home, and I helped to make it that way, and when I phoned my ex-T, the atmosphere became so much lighter suddenly, I felt like I was sharing a burden.
And I think he was concerned, what to do, how to make this patient go away.
He tried to stop seeing me, by telling me he was too busy to see me for two weeks he was all booked up, but I persisted to the third week, and it got to where I was seeing him once every three-four weeks but phoning him every f*ck*ng day, every day I think, to find the relief, I was going to leave my husband, and he waited until I left my husband and was out on my own for about three months when he terminated me.
He didn't understand he was truly terminating what seemed like my life's blood, and still does.
I don't know if at this point I'll ever get over the grief I still carry around.
Do you know how embarrassing this is to tell to anyone?
Do you know how hard something like this is to get over?
poster:susan47
thread:846918
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/848027.html