Posted by Wittgensteinz on August 18, 2008, at 13:53:37
In reply to Re: Therapy tomorrow (**suicide triggers**) » Wittgensteinz, posted by llurpsienoodle on August 18, 2008, at 12:08:20
I know I seemed quite chirpy in chat the other day - it was good to chat with you and others - I'm rather good at hiding my feelings.
This is a problem for me too - I understand why this 'no suicide contract' is so important for him. A suicidal patient must put a great deal of pressure on a therapist. That said, the effect of the agreement is that I feel unable to talk about it - maybe it's just difficult to talk about it anyhow. I did tell him I'd felt suicidal earlier on the day it heppened, but whenever I've brought it up, he's at the most said "that's not an option" or "if you feel that way, you should phone the crisis service". The difference this time was that he said "that is an option but not a good one" - not sure if unconsciously that affected my actions. Kind of a 'not my problem' response in a way. I could have phoned him, I have his home number but I didn't see what good that would have done. I guess I have to talk all this through. I just don't know where it's going to go.
The last session I said, I would promise not to do it again, but that I had made the same promise before and with the same sincerity and yet not kept to it - i.e. within my power to keep such a promise I will... but.
It's a pity, that the worst of my depression is somewhat of a non-topic in my therapy.
Llurpsie, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words - I'm sorry you've been through this too.
I see my pdoc on Wednesday - need to discuss meds again - he frustrates me because he does so little. I've said for a long time the ADs were doing nothing even on the highest dose grrr and now he wants me just to go back to the same dose again.
Thanks for your support.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:846981
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/847023.html