Posted by antigua3 on August 16, 2008, at 12:55:43
In reply to Re: pdoc update**poss sa trigger**REALLY LONG » antigua3, posted by Dinah on August 16, 2008, at 12:34:11
My T is how you describe. She goes through the process gently, always pulling back when faced with my resistence. That's why it has taken us so very long to get where we are. From the outside, people have questioned the length of our time together, but they aren't inside the room.
My pdoc isn't anywhere near as gentle, but in a sense, that's what I pay him for. In the beginning, the results were more mixed, but as time goes on, we've come to a nice detente, either one of us willing to pull back.
So I'm expecting a battle, but there may not be one, unless I provoke it or he respnds in a hurtful way. That's part of my fear in going back; that it will be too much. And we aren't the type to put things on the back burner. But again, that's what I pay him for. I think he's not as expert in knowing when he has pushed too hard because he is surprised by the results sometimes--my anger, mostly--but i'm not sure I can fight him this time.
But here I am assuming there will be a fight. There very well may not be. This fear is based on how badly I think he will think of me.
But the pure humilation of my feeling for having told him is what's driving this terrible angst. And how much can I trust him to deal with this?
I hate him. I hate myself. My oldest is leaving for an extended period of time and will never really be home again. I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:846433
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080810/msgs/846675.html