Posted by raisinb on July 12, 2008, at 12:05:04
In reply to Confusion with understanding feelings, posted by Annierose on July 11, 2008, at 16:25:37
That is a lovely story :) You and your therapist have a wonderful relationship.
I have had lots of trouble with this, too. My feelings about my therapist especially have been *extreme*--hate, thinking she's evil one week, loving her and thinking she's wonderful the next.
Once I was hammering at this in my head, trying to figure out which was the "right" answer--is she bad or good? Did I screw up or did I make the right choice? Is my attachment to her okay, or is it evidence of my own damage?
I realized that a lot of the conflict was about whether I am okay or not, not just whether she is good or bad. Am I stupid, do I keep making terrible choices? Will I be doomed to repeat these patterns forever because I carry them with me like a disease?
I don't know whether it is similar for you or not.
I also decided that maybe a synthesis of "she's good" and "she's bad" might be "she's mine--she's what I chose, and that is neither good nor bad, but it's what I want, and I will be okay with that for now."
It is hard to remember that a lot of the time, but I come back to it frequently.
poster:raisinb
thread:839291
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/839442.html