Posted by Dinah on May 20, 2008, at 16:43:51
In reply to Re: The ticker rolled over. » Dinah, posted by Annierose on May 20, 2008, at 13:48:38
I know I have issues with money in general, around shame. I don't earn as much of it as I could if I tried. And I spend way more of it than I should. I'm always returning things that I bought impulsively. I buy too much, like my mom. I hate anything that links my mom and me.
I don't think the issues with my therapist have to do with my general money issues. But I think you're on to something. Because of the recent rupture and because boundaries were involved in that too, I may be more sensitive to the topic than I would be otherwise. After all, I was planning to celebrate, in a light hearted way.
I think the nature of therapy lends itself well to cynicism about money. All the constant comments from others about therapists who hook you in and bleed you dry, or rent a friends. It's impossible to avoid the thought. Moreover I know how much my therapist likes money and the things it buys. So thoughts of my income stream do come to mind. How can it not? When you look at the facts and circumstances, without emotional overlay, it seems rather damning.
Over time, I've come to believe that he really does care for me as a person - maybe even loves me in a therapist appropriate way. And that's like believing the prostitute really does think you're great in bed. At least it is for me. But that's constantly balanced by the fact that if I can't pay him, I'll never see him or hear from him again.
I guess shame isn't totally out of the picture, either. I know I work in large part to afford therapy. And while I work for and pay for my therapy myself, I know the cost has an effect on my family.
It's a tough topic, in therapy.
And since he was blushing, I'm guessing it wasn't easy for him either.
But... nothing can be done about it. I don't know how much it's worth talking about. There is literally nothing he can do or say that will totally remove that cynical voice for any length of time.
poster:Dinah
thread:830103
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080508/msgs/830168.html