Posted by rskontos on May 3, 2008, at 18:02:02
Something I read today got me thinking. I read: "Memory is identity. It's you." And I thought well then I am f**ked. My memories are still so fragmented I haven't many: 3 or 4 from my childhood through my 20's to be exact and those are only snippets, not whole memories. I know I am still hiding from my memories, so I guess I haven't got an identity. And curiously, it did not bother me. I guess all these years later, I have accepted my lack of an true identity. I am restless though. I am tired of my current life, but lack the wherewithal to do much about it. I guess floating along has become a way of life now. I do know I am tired of my roles, I continue to do them just not as good. I am backsliding in them and when my family calls me on it I use anger to get out of the situations.
I have been having some very strange dreams, but I am just too tired to try to think about what they mean. One dream I just had I think meant I was balancing too much and it might fall soon. I think this is true. But again, I am not really caring these days.
I am not depressed just apathetic. I don't really care one way or the other.
So does anyone else have any thoughts on the statement "memory is identity. It's you." Now this is not mine. I read it today in a book. It just struck me. Since I have DID (still can't get around this though) I do have an identity issue. LOL that is an understatement.
My therapy is still up in the air if anyone remembers. I went down to once a week. I have run out of things to talk about (of importance). I won't go further with him now (meaning I am struggling to go deeper, trust I guess). That conversation leading to this is another thread, one I haven't had the energy to invest in. It isn't particularly important I think or interesting.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:827028
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/827028.html