Posted by Nadezda on May 3, 2008, at 11:02:30
In reply to Re: Being Hurt » Daisym, posted by seldomseen on May 3, 2008, at 7:41:36
I'm sorry that happened, Daisy. I dislike being with people when I'm in pain-- physical or emotional--and I really fear that they'll see how hard it is, sometimes. Seldomseen is right, though, the world is more resilient and concerned-- and willing to help-- then we can realize. People often can't help-- or don't know what to do-- and sometimes their reactions are disturbing.
I think you're right, in a way-- that people have limits to how much they want to hear. But I may be too close to that one. I had a fair amount of chronic pain for several years, and when I talked about it, I always kept it much lighter than it felt, but it did seem that at least acknowledging it make it easier to get through the day-- and do those things that made it worse, when they were important (which was a lot),
Pain is so invisible and unreal when you're not feeling it-- and so I think other people can't really take in how much it preoccupies the person who's feeling it. At least that's how I felt-- of course mine wasn't "visible"-- and therefore, I could mask a lot of what was going on-- and you have to cope with loss of control over that. I know that must be aggravating and dismaying. But I do think we (or they) have some ability to be caring, thoughtful, ,and even helpful (especially if there's anything concrete we/they can do) in a way that's mutually strengthening-- if you can accept and respect and feel respected by the other person's wish to help. It is hard, though--
Maybe this will sound weird, but perhaps you can rethink the pain-- not as vulnerability and weakness, but as some sort of profound experience that you're going through-- some sort of dipping into a pool that will gives you a deeper view under the surface--difficult, but enlarging-- I'm not sure-- just something more positive and enriching, or engaging, rather than a sign of deficit-- in fact, something that you're be able to offer others, too.
About your T, though-- I know he would want to know. I mean, not just that you should tell him, but that he would want you to. I'm pretty sure it won't spoil his good time. He's got more inner capacities than that-- for feeling his own happiness without letting it be spoiled, while feeling sad, or even concerned, about how you are. I just know he'd be more sad if he knew you couldn't tell him, than he ever would be if you had the confidence in him to do it.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:826923
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/826988.html