Posted by backseatdriver on April 30, 2008, at 8:50:39
In reply to Re: Advice, please? » backseatdriver, posted by Dinah on April 29, 2008, at 12:37:03
He's sixty-ish. I know he works hard on his marriage. He is proud of still being in it despite how it sometimes is such a disappointment to him.
I've asked him if he is okay with talking about my erotic feelings for him. He says we can talk about whatever I'd like to talk about. Also, if he feels I am talking around erotic material, he calls me out on it. So he brings it up sometimes too.
In general he doesn't put limits on subject matter, though he will tell me if I seem to be stuck on an issue, and then we talk about the stuckness. Sometimes I insist on having it my way, and we continue to talk about the original issue, but he generally doesn't hide his irritation. His countertransference is also fair game.
I sense that he is empty-nesting. So my daughter is interesting to him as well. Sometimes I feel like he is imagining me as the wife he didn't have, the one who got away.
But I don't like being married, and I wouldn't marry him even if he asked on bended knee. What I want - and this is awful to say - is a torrid secret affair that lasts about two months and then, unscathed and happy with each other, we decide to see each other quarterly, 20 minutes in his office and we both keep our clothes on, just so he can monitor my meds!
Maybe there's the rub: I don't want to be married, and I don't want to be in therapy, either.
poster:backseatdriver
thread:826200
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/826387.html