Posted by muffled on April 23, 2008, at 0:09:47
In reply to Re: tired of it...**S. TRIGGER**, posted by B2chica on April 22, 2008, at 14:48:12
Sorry you in such a bad space right now B2.
Wassup with your T?
Hows the meds thing working out?
Sorry, I kinda outta the loop.
Ya, life can be pretty damn sh*tty sometimes, lotsa times.
Other day, I was kinda messed, and I was laying on grass, and looking at weeds, and then this frikken shiny black ant goes walking on by. It was so COOL! Its little anteenae waving, it was so SHINY. It was weird. Amazing.
Y'know, its real hard being a MOm. Real hard. Specially if you got no support. Ya love your kid so much, but they can bring out best and worst in ya. Its hard, you want so bad for everything to be OK for them. But life don't always work out so's you can do alls you want for yer kids. And manoman, I feel so bad as to how I have affected my kids as a result of my issues. But y'know, my one kid I worry bout most, he been doing better some lately. I been doing better more too.
So I dunno, my dreams all gone to sh*t too, TOTALLY. I never done sh*t all w/my life, and I had opportunities, I just f*ck*d it all up, and now my body wrecked some, and I getting old some, so there's lots more restrictions on what I can do....regrets, damn I got plenty of them.
But I not gonna frikken give up damnit. NO. F*ck that, I keep going, one foot in front of the other, and sometimes the roads pretty nice, other times I wading thru sh*t.
Its real hard to be alone and mentally abused by the one who should support you.
I wonder where you could get some support? Like mothers groups? If T no good, mebbe can find another? Can you focus on what possibilities there are for change in your life. I can see as you feel trapped, but things can and do change. Freakin asking for the moon if you depressed, but depression has passed before for you, so mebbe you can think...ok...I just make it thru this f*ck*ng shithole hell I in now, and things bound to get better eventually, SOMETHING will change eventually, and when I feeling better, I gonna try and do what I need to do to try and improve my life situation, even a tiny bit.
Or go lay on the grass and look at ants. SHINY black ants, tiny little weeds sprouting, and dirt. Not a bad 5 mins spent for me. I enjoyed it.
Mebbe itsa my version of smelling roses, cuz I not so dainty, so I look at ants.
B2, you got some great talent, and great kindness inside, and lotsa love to give.
I send ya the very best wishes I can.
Your a good person.
I know these things.
Hell I a nut, but WTF, I a NICE nut, reckon that oughtta count for somethin eh?
So....
cares sent your way to ALLA you OK?
Hugs for thems that wants em.
A slug un the arm for thems that'd prefer that.
And I'll just sit quietly beside anybodys who wants company.
Hell, there's plenty of me to go around!(LOL).
Luv ya,
Take care
M
poster:muffled
thread:824788
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/824913.html