Posted by Dinah on April 17, 2008, at 14:53:35
In reply to Re: I LIED to my T...Very Bizarre Situation, posted by sassyfrancesca on April 17, 2008, at 7:59:16
Maybe it changes everything if you're also in a personal relationship.
But...
While total honesty might not be the best policy for a personal relationship, he *is* still your therapist. And it doesn't sound as if he's willing to have only a personal relationship with you, from what I understand you as saying, which might be all wrong.
Can you stick a toe in to being honest about this? If he already knows, he isn't likely to terminate you. And you can always back off if it looks like it's going badly. I do that sometimes. Sort of "What would you do if I answered you xxxx". Then if he said anything like "I'd have to terminate you" you could say "Well then I'm darn glad I don't have to answer it that way."
A lot of times I find out I'm worrying about nothing.
It must be hard to have a personal as well as therapeutic relationship. What you want a beau to know about you and what you want a therapist to know about you are not always the same. Plus there's more reciprocity in a personal relationship.
I struggle with this sometimes, when I know my therapist is under a lot of stress with his "real" life. I care about him so much, and sometimes I want to not burden him with my issues or to take care of him in some way.
But I guess it depends on which relationship is predominant. My therapist and I have a mutually caring relationship, but it's not a friendship. I don't pay friends in dollars. I "pay" them through the reciprocal give and take of a relationship.
I have to remind myself that when I write him a check each week, that's my part of taking care of him, and it separates a purely personal from a professional relationship. And then I have to respect him enough as a professional to let him be my therapist. Which means being honest with him unless being honest would actually bring on termination. Fortunately that's never come up, but I've been clear I'd consider that the same as an agreement entered to under duress, and would lie if I had to. It sure would be hard to keep positive feelings about him, though, if he forced me to lie in order to not have him abandon me.
poster:Dinah
thread:823448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823819.html