Posted by seldomseen on March 2, 2008, at 8:56:23
In reply to Something odd is going on with me., posted by seldomseen on March 1, 2008, at 11:23:16
I think you are both correct, these feelings ebb and flow. I guess I was just hoping they had flowed out, but maybe that hope just reflects my old pathology of "i don't need anyone". I don't know.
The thing I am most worried about is the hurt and the set up for constant rejection (perceived or otherwise) that comes along with feeling this for my therapist. I feel as though I am backsliding into that pit and yet am powerless to stop this ache.
I've gone back and forth with calling these feeling transference vs something else. In one way, the feelings I experience are very real. But I think it has been very important for me to realize that what i experience in therapy is very different from what my therapist experiences. The flow of intimacy in my therapy flows only one way - from me to him. I think, in situations where there is real love, ideally intimacy flows in both directions.
I've experienced both "transference" and "real love" and they are quite different.
Maybe right now I just need for that flow to go one way.
In any case, I've decided not to cancel the appointment, but to talk about it with him. That may be a mistake. I'll keep you posted.
Thanks for your replies.
Seldom
poster:seldomseen
thread:815539
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/815698.html