Posted by raisinb on February 13, 2008, at 9:15:54
In reply to Not talking,,,rsk and raisinb, posted by twinleaf on February 12, 2008, at 18:44:17
I can relate to the shame. I have shame about neediness, vulnerability, dependency, love. I have a much easier time expressing anger or a desire to detach.
When I express something difficult to my T, she occasionally falls silent or starts making connections/analyzing. I hate both of these reactions. It's almost a guarantee that I'll think they mean she feels discomfort, fear, or repulsion, and wants to distance herself from me. She has told me, "I feel none of those things," and that she gets excited or deeply engrossed when I'm vulnerable, and that's why she falls silent often. Later on, I can sort-of believe her (maybe), but in the moment it feels terrible, terrible, terrible. I feel so rejected I want to die. I'm so convinced that certain parts of me are inherently unlovable that any hint of confirmation is just a terrible experience.
When my T pushes me, a childlike part of me feels like yelling, "but you really DON'T WANT TO KNOW. Stop lying!"
poster:raisinb
thread:812182
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812449.html