Posted by Daisym on February 12, 2008, at 19:44:44
In reply to Not talking,,,rsk and raisinb, posted by twinleaf on February 12, 2008, at 18:44:17
Silence has always been threatening and hard for me. So off and on in my therapy, we work in different ways. Sometimes we just sit together - othertimes he talks, not asking questions but rather thinking out loud.
When there are things to say but I can't say them, this creates a whole different atmosphere. Most of the time my therapist will ask, "do you want some help?" - this is code for permission to ask questions. He once teased me that he has this heavy-duty psyche-can opener he reserves special for me on Mondays. Now that we've worked together for so long, he knows expressions - those fleeting thoughts that cross your mind and you edit or squelch before they get out down to your mouth. He catches me - a simple "what?" - or "what didn't you just say?" which is very similiar to talking about why you can't talk about it.
Which is not to say he doesn't get frustrated with me. He let me know that sometimes it feels like I want something from him - I want him to guess at what is going on -- and he isn't a mind reader. A few weeks ago he said, "you're just going to end up telling me tomorrow or the next day - don't you want to just get it over with?" -- Yeah, nice try.
He told me there is nothing I can't tell him. And I absolutely believe that. But the consequences of telling about certain things were so huge that those old fears are still there. So he waits.
I think it is particularly hard when one piece of me really wants him to know something and another piece doesn't. Then the war in my head is so loud, I can't talk. These are the times I wish there was a ticker-tape across my forehead. And his!
poster:Daisym
thread:812182
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080210/msgs/812368.html