Posted by muffled on December 20, 2007, at 23:43:55
I was writing in my journal, and saying stuff bout my peeps, but even as I wrote and read it, I am in TOTAL denial of having parts....AT THE SAME TIME. Thats what it is like. So nonsensical.
Parallel thot trains.
One head.
One body.
One history.
I can be talking in T, and have another part try and come and I don't want it to, and it feels JUST like its trying to elbow its way forward, and I am shoving it back....
But of course.
I don't ACTUALLY have parts...its just some weird game I play.....
An adaptation...
I do not lose time, so I MUST not have peeps....
Do I?
Yet....where was I a coupla T appts ago??? In the time I do not remember. WHERE was I? WHO was talking and calm?
But I just a wee bit split is all.
Nothing bad ever happened to me.
Everything in my life has been my own choices, bad ones lots.
I am doing OK......but my actual life as far as taxes/financial stuff/disaster house/ etc etc....is a mess...
But really...I am very well adjusted.
Just sometimes there's screaming in my head...
Peaple like me...they seem to like me....or PARTS of me anyways....but I am a leper....
If I got hurt as a kid, its my own fault, I shoulda done something......but WHAT? WHAT truly COULD I have done?....
And on it goes....
And I will take my kids to school, and participate and help out and be nice, and people will like me, and I will seem so NORMAL.
They can't see the rancid thots that live in my head.
Weird.
Alls I can say is WEIRD.
M
poster:muffled
thread:801864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/801864.html