Posted by muffled on December 24, 2007, at 1:04:40
In reply to Re: DESCRIBING how a DD FEELS..... » muffled, posted by star008 on December 22, 2007, at 15:14:48
> hey muffled... again my friend you are not alone in your thoughts. a part of me still thinks it isn't real.. that I am not DID. that I am just a drama queen making all this sh..t up.. but then there are the times when i switch right in front of myself.damn. called my T the other day and couldn't recall who called him. i vaguely calling remembered it but it was as if someone else did it. and i think i am lying too and nothing that bad happened to me.. i don't remember anything that bad that would have made me split into all these peeps.. but maybe yours were like mine and there wasn't any huge thing that made you split.. maybe it was the ongoing, neverending stuff that the kids couldn't deal with. and i don't know if knowing your DID makes it any easier.
* I call myself 'split some'...
Mebbe go so far as to perhaps fall somewhat into the DDNOS catagory. But I not DID I would not say. I have peeps, but don't fully switch per se. Not in a B&W way.
I think I could remember more, maybe, but I don't want to, cuz what would be the use? What few 'bits' I have are so very inconclusive and don't really make sense. Nor would I expect them to, given the source. Kids. They don't see things the same way adults do.
Anyhow, getting to know my peeps better has been a slow process, but it does help me to better understnad ALOT of stuff.> and i go out in the wORld and act normal and no one knows that I am really f..ed up..
*EXACTLY
> I think about my T too and his well adjusted family having their many friends over and having a fun "well adjusted" time..lol. exchanging well-thought-out gifts and being loving and feeling grateful for their good fortune..Hanging out in their beautiful homes and having, yes, dinner all together at the table. I don't have xmas dinner at all much less at a table with family..maybe someday when i have a bigger house..*LOL!!!! I laughed when I read this!!! Thanks for that!! ROFL!!! My T is pretty good, if I ask her, she'll tell me the nasty stuff too!!!
> I had a bad week.. got really sick and split most of the time.. I saw monsters in the blankets.. Yeah, i know they were my imagination.. my Ikid was scared they were so real. They moved and scared her and she cried. they looked like monsters to me too, even though I knew they weren't real.. freaked me out watching them move..and they were very real to my Ikid.. and she cried and wanted her mom. But mom wasn't there for her..So I tried to smash the blanket monsters but a new one would come up where the old one was..It was very real to me.. to the adult me. it was real.. i saw it.*ok, now THAT is bad :-( I don't get scared of 'stuff' much. I get scared alot, but I have a lineup of progressively tough parts that stand in as needed...In that situ of yours, a tough part would come. You don't have tough parts? Protection? Security? I have MUCH.
I wished I coulda been there with you. My parts would have helped. Thats one good thing of parts, how they give a person a wider aspect of understanding. My Mom part could comfort, Toughie could cajole your kid and make her feel safer. Ikid could be good to relate to yopur kid on a kid to kid level...and so on.
I remember one time I came into chat to talk to an upset babbler who is like us, and another was trying to help, but didn't know what to say. I read the words, went to a different part, and jumped right in! Later I was me again, or both maybe, and I was reading the words, and its like holy crap!? I couldn't beleive the stuff *I'd* said, it was so silly. But we meshed, that part and that other babblers upset part. They understood each other, and my part helped to calm er part, and she came back and calmed down. *I* could not have done that. The other babbler who had tried to help was amazed cuz she had no clue as to what was going on really. So parts are NOT always bad to have....
> I don't know if there is a way to describe what it is like muffled.. If you got it you know what it is like and no one else is going to understand totally.. My T gets it but I don't know if he has a clue as to how it feels..*WELL said. I think my T gets the concept, but doesn't get how it actually feels to be this way.
> I am glad someone came to help out thatkid..and glad that you were able to feel a little bad for her..The poor kid.. All of them... All our poor kids stuck inside and living through sh...t over and over again.. Just kids..*yeah...that was really weird, but good. I am just learning bout what I call the newkid, who of course isn't new, but I have a hard time sorting out the kids....
I still don't have much feeling for those inside kids I am afraid. I not sure why?
Cuz I think they not real?
Ohhh, they don't like THAT!
Sigh.
On we go.
Thanks for posting.
M
poster:muffled
thread:801864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/802385.html