Posted by muffled on October 3, 2007, at 11:36:14
In reply to more DD/DID stuff...session *possible trigger?, posted by B2chica on October 3, 2007, at 9:56:55
> my gosh did i have a tough session yesterday.
> i didn't even plan on talking about anything bad.
>
> i started talking about 'integration' and how that upset my IK (inner kid).**B2, you have so got my utmost admiration!
> it was hard cuz i (B2) was trying to explain something and IK kept trying to come out, it was like that carnival game where you have to hit the weasel with a hammer, she kept popping in a out! i laugh now but it was hard.
**Yeah, its SO WEIRD when that happens eh!? I mean thinking logically, how can this be? But at the time its so REAL, so obvious. I find it all so illogical.
> Then T was being SO nice to her and talking gently...which she needs So much....but then suddenly teen came out (which she's only been there once before and not very long). she is SO angry that everytime she 'appears' i (B2) become So exhausted physically. i don't know what it is but she wipes me out. but the good part is even though she got very angry, she stayed a while and talked to T.
**Ya, nice T talking is SOOOOOOO cool! Mebbe teen was jealous?or mebbe teen was worried kid would say wrong things?
> i also think i figured out why teen would hurt me phsycially. at one point she wanted to leave but since it's my body i didn't want to, and she said (well yelled) she wanted to leave but didn't know how (using many explicitives)....but it was good because T reminded me and told her to use music...it took a bit but it worked! she was able to leave without injuring me.*leave in your head, or actually leave the room? And how do you use music? Sorry for all my questions...
> i think that's how i must have switched back before, by injuring myself.
**As in SI? :-(
> So that part, exhausting and kinda scary, but good. also good that i think she was kinda comfortable being there...or at least saying more that 5 words.
> T was very happy that she actually talked...for what that was...**Yeah that is SO great methinks too. I get SO SO tired after some sessions. I just rest in my car awhile, sometimes sleep.
>
> ....Since my T has, i guess, diagnosed me with this. and encouraging me to 'come out'. i've noticed that i've done the fuzzed out dissociation almost not at all, which i think is good. i mean sometimes i couldn't even see cuz everything was dark a fuzzy/blurry. now that really doens't happen.*Yeah, I dissociate/blank out WAY less too now. Now I can't seem to blank out even when I wished I could :-( Its made certain things more difficult :-( if not impossible.
I wonder if its goto do with the inside people being more aware of each other and whats going on? Dunno?
> BUt i think...well i'm afraid that it will be harder and harder to keep them in.**sigh...that is my great worry too....I told my T I don't want to talk bout 'them' much cuz I trying to keep them down, not increase it...
> cuz after session i had just left T's office and walked out into hall and then i wanted to curl up...i was fighting little one coming out, but it was too overwhelming. she wandered back down the hall and curled up near the exit (fire escape door).
> i guess someone told her i was out there cuz next thing i know she's right next to me.**ya, I did that once, went to a room down the hall. T found me. I was curled on couch. I remember being angry, cuz my T wanted to see my hands, cuz she thot mebbe I SI :-( I hadn't, I just was way out of it. Coupla times I've just gone outside and sat on my knees and rocked and chanted and not given a crap bout who might see me :-(
> it seems that T mentioned braiding instead of the term 'integrating', but instead of using string she said she'd try macramé. it seems this triggered me without knowing. and i/IK started to get pictures.
> i was able to come out of it after a few minutes of T talking to her....but this brings up another question....:-(
>
> Is it possible that IK make up memories? cuz i can't say that i really remember it, but it felt SO right and Real when little one was describing it.
> i mean, as ME i don't doubt it, but i don't say...OH Ya...i remember that...but as her, she remembers every little feeling and mark??
> So how do i know if its for real or not?
> i guess i'll bring this up with T next week...*What my T has always told me, and I beleive this to be true, is that kids perceive things VERY VERY differently than adults. What an adult might consider silly, can be GINORMOUS to a child.
I can't think of the examples she gave me right now.
OK, ya, here's one, regarding potty training.
Hope this is not a *trigger*:But when her kid was just learning to use the potty, she was terrified to go poo. The kid literally thot that a piece of her was comming out, that she was losing a piece of herself and it scared her SO bad. Fortunately she had a supportive Mom who was kind and patient, and worked thru this fear with her. Can you imagine how different this situation might have been if the mother was angry with the poor kid? If she punished the kid? If she gave the kid no support in her utter terror but just was angry? Can you begin to imagine???? So this is an example of something that might be missed, and might be misconstrued in later life. The 'memories'(pre-verbal perhaps) will be of terror, of physical loss and destruction, of helplessness and aloneness etc. So as an adult, you then feel these feelings, and wonder WTF they mean? But you goto remember, this is comming FROM A KID and a kids perspective, and so needs to be considered in that fashion. I find it very hard to do.
So I try and take these early feelings with a large grain of salt and remember, whatever the situation might have been, the REALITY is, the kid WAS terrified, she does need comfort....
I try to care for her.....but I just can't yet :-(
Hope this is in some way useful B2C.
Thanks for sharing your stuff.
M
poster:muffled
thread:786654
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786671.html