Posted by B2chica on October 3, 2007, at 9:56:55
my gosh did i have a tough session yesterday.
i didn't even plan on talking about anything bad.i started talking about 'integration' and how that upset my IK (inner kid).
it was hard cuz i (B2) was trying to explain something and IK kept trying to come out, it was like that carnival game where you have to hit the weasel with a hammer, she kept popping in a out! i laugh now but it was hard.
Then T was being SO nice to her and talking gently...which she needs So much....but then suddenly teen came out (which she's only been there once before and not very long). she is SO angry that everytime she 'appears' i (B2) become So exhausted physically. i don't know what it is but she wipes me out. but the good part is even though she got very angry, she stayed a while and talked to T.
i also think i figured out why teen would hurt me phsycially. at one point she wanted to leave but since it's my body i didn't want to, and she said (well yelled) she wanted to leave but didn't know how (using many explicitives)....but it was good because T reminded me and told her to use music...it took a bit but it worked! she was able to leave without injuring me.
i think that's how i must have switched back before, by injuring myself.
So that part, exhausting and kinda scary, but good. also good that i think she was kinda comfortable being there...or at least saying more that 5 words.
T was very happy that she actually talked...for what that was.......Since my T has, i guess, diagnosed me with this. and encouraging me to 'come out'. i've noticed that i've done the fuzzed out dissociation almost not at all, which i think is good. i mean sometimes i couldn't even see cuz everything was dark a fuzzy/blurry. now that really doens't happen.
BUt i think...well i'm afraid that it will be harder and harder to keep them in.
cuz after session i had just left T's office and walked out into hall and then i wanted to curl up...i was fighting little one coming out, but it was too overwhelming. she wandered back down the hall and curled up near the exit (fire escape door).
i guess someone told her i was out there cuz next thing i know she's right next to me.
it seems that T mentioned braiding instead of the term 'integrating', but instead of using string she said she'd try macramé. it seems this triggered me without knowing. and i/IK started to get pictures.
i was able to come out of it after a few minutes of T talking to her....but this brings up another question....Is it possible that IK make up memories? cuz i can't say that i really remember it, but it felt SO right and Real when little one was describing it.
i mean, as ME i don't doubt it, but i don't say...OH Ya...i remember that...but as her, she remembers every little feeling and mark??
So how do i know if its for real or not?
i guess i'll bring this up with T next week...
poster:B2chica
thread:786654
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070929/msgs/786654.html