Posted by Dory on August 31, 2007, at 23:06:19
In reply to Re: Forced Termination - Even worse, posted by ForeverWounded on August 31, 2007, at 15:59:27
honestly i think he is having massive countertransference issues surrounding guilt/power. A statement like that would make me do the same thing.. back track... because it says that you have upset him, offended him or whatever and if you feel that way then he'll leave you even sooner. What it really says is that he has, for whatever reason, decided to not hold himself accountable for any of your pain or grief and that he is just tossing it back to you. It's mindboggling.
You have ***every right*** to be mad, sad, glad or any damn way you please, about this or anything else. Period. As long as he is your T you have ***every right*** to tell him exactly how you feel AND expect him to listen with acceptance. ANger is a reasonable reaction on your part and he is handling it badly. He is absolving himself of any responsibility or obligation to you.
He is human and we live in a real world, of course things change... and as much as i agree that i wish the world could prevent T's from leaving us, it does happen. And again, being angry is a perfectly understandable reaction. He should know that. There might be little he can do to less much of your pain and still make the choices he wants for his own life... i don't know the answer about that part... but he could be helping you through this by walking through the anger with you, and perhaps lessening it. He could be sharing in the grief of loss with you, showing some regret for the end of such a long relationship.
i can't understand and it makes *me* angry for you.. i can only imagine your anger.
i am going to suggest something, and please, it's well-meant.. there is something you can do to help yourself and care for yourself now and it seems you have to put that ahead of thoughts of him. Posting here, writing about it in any form is a good positive step. It externalizes. Write about how it makes you feel... think about that more than what he is doing. Make it about you, you deserve your attention and care. Also, write down the things you have gotten from therapy which have been positives, the lessons you learned and steps forward you made. Write about why. Those things are yours to keep and do not become invalid because he is behaving badly. Be gentle with yourself even if he is not.
i am so very sorry you are suffering.
poster:Dory
thread:779897
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/780111.html