Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 30, 2007, at 19:54:04
In reply to Re: Lurpsie?? how are you? » Honore, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 30, 2007, at 13:36:39
I am simply not a straight line. there is so much fluctuation that it scares the crap out of me. I don't want to commit to anything. I don't know where it's coming from. It could have SO many causes. It's been going on for a while now, and I want it to stop so bad. I feel great then I feel like dying. Sometimes I can snap out of it, sometimes I can't. Little things make me spiral into a seemingly impenetrable fog.
Now I can't concentrate enough to read or watch TV. I did a little quilting though. I can sew in a straight line, which is reassuring. I just don't have too much stamina.
Babble is pretty much all that is keeping me going right now :''( and I feel like such an incapacitated freak most of the time. hermit. freak.
I just want to go somewhere where I can get some real peace. Some rest. Make my neurotransmitters stabilize. I miss my former T, and I am now counting days between quieT appointments.
I know all the things I *should* be doing, but it seems that my mind is conspiring against me. I have a very simple job description right now- keep myself safe, eat food, bathe regularly, take meds. I can't even seem to do those 4 things consistently.
confession. I made two mistakes with my medication today. I keep a weekly pill planner thing. I take pills 3 times a day. yesterday I took all of my pills except sonata (sleeping pill) WTF??? and I'm exhausted all day today? 2nd mistake. I noticed that this am's geodon was the last pill. I get out the pill bottle and call for a refill. They processed the refill and told me that they don't have it in stock, and won't have it 'til tomorrow. 3pm. My mistake is that I know that this small pharmacy doesn't have geodon in stock. It's even written on my pill bottle. I just lost track of it all. Now what? I'm so ashamed. I think I might be able to track down some seroquel samples left from the good old days. basically, though, I'll be missing 2 doses of geodon, which means that it will be COMPLETEly out of my system by tomorrow when I can pick up my Rx. F*CK ME
okay. I think I have used up all the goodwill on babble. I should just go into hiding. people have been so supportive, but I have no new stories to tell, just more of the same. I only write because there's nothing else my mind is capable of at the moment.
off to hunt down those seroquel tablets. F*CK.
-Lppkopjerpoqewrt9uv
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:772757
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/772970.html