Posted by crushedout on June 18, 2007, at 16:18:19
In reply to Re: She has :-( » gardenergirl, posted by crushedout on June 18, 2007, at 9:53:07
Ouch. Now *this* hurts.I had therapy today. It was my first session since ex-T and I communicated nonanonymously. So I was just filling my T in on what had been going on within me during and after this interchange. I told her about how angry I was feeling and how I was toying with the idea of filing a complaint with the licensing board. As I was talking she grew silent and got a weird look on her face so for some reason I asked her what she was thinking.
She admitted to me something she should not have. I was not surprised that this went through her head but I was surprised that she told me. She said that as my current therapist, her first thought was, "Am I next?"
Then she went on to talk about what am I getting out of this, why now, etc. etc. but at that point I could not get past her "Am I next" question. It hurt very badly. She apologized repeatedly for burdening me with that thought, which she realized she should not have told me. But she also at one point defended my ex-T saying, "it's not a crime to make someone a CD!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I said I never said it was a crime, but that the CD was not just any CD, and the fact that it wasn't a crime doesn't make it ethical. She looked sort of ashamed of herself. She got very apologetic.
She said stuff like, "Well we are of course going to have 'fights' also and it's natural that you may get mad at me. For example, this may be our first 'fight.'" We laughed but I was really upset the whole rest of the session. I kept explaining to her all the reasons why that hurt. She understood, she said she could deal with her feelings on her own and support me etc. etc.
I'm not explaining this well. I'm at work and I have to work but this threw me. I was doing well when I walked in, happy about all the developments with my ex-T--now I feel abandoned and hurt by the current one. But I also feel like we'll work it out. It's ironic she messed up at that moment. Sometimes people are so oddly self-destructive. Nobody's perfect, that's for darn sure.
I still think she's a wonderful T. (But then again, I thought ex-T was, too. What the heck do I know? :( )
poster:crushedout
thread:763573
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/763973.html